"Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun." ~Matt Groening
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." ~Matt Groening
Wanna hear something ridiculous? I saw on facebook that my ex's brother (bastard ex not good ex) was having a birthday. I debated for awhile because I broke off all contact with the ex but I decided that leaving a "happy birthday" message on his wall was harmless. HARMLESS? no. Later that night, the brother texts me and asks me what I was getting him for his birthday. I tried to play it cool but he wouldn't give up. Eventually, he just told me we should have sex.
.................
First of all, what the fuck. Second of all, I dated his brother. Really classy guy. Then four days later I find out that my ex (who was blissfully three hours away) was MOVING BACK TO TOWN. He will find me and I can't promise I won't cut his penis off.
Why do these men surround me?!
~Evangaline
They won't be men anymore if you cut their penis off ;)
ReplyDeleteHere's what you should do. If he comes over, drug him. Something strong to keep him knocked out for a few days. Or just keep drugging him. While he's 'sleeping' wrap a rubber band around his balls. Leave it for those few days he's out. They'll shrivel. Well, I'm guessing. :) It's not as messy.
ReplyDeleteHa!
ReplyDeleteMen. How long has the ex been? There's usually a window after a breakup where its hands-off, then you're fair game. The length of the window depends on the douchery of the brother.
It'd have to be a LONG time for me. You know- unless she was really hot or something.
Caleb
dr 30ty,
ReplyDeletethat is a beautiful thought!
Amanda,
You are one scary woman. Brilliant, but scary. I will invite you over if that situation ever arises and I will be sure to have a stapler on hand.
Caleb,
The guy and I broke up four years ago. The break up was traumatizing on both ends. This brother hit on me a month after we broke up. Gave me a ride somewhere (we were trying to be friend exes but everyone knows that never works) and he told me we should have sex in the backseat. That was the last time I saw him in person after I said no.
a LONG time sounds about right. it is really douchey and complicated to date an exs sibling.
Yikes. Sounds like D-baggery all around.
ReplyDeleteThe ironic part is that men who act douchey all the time really want to get laid, yet acting douchey rarely- if ever- gets you laid.
THAT is life not being fair, right?
Or something like that.
Caleb