"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." ~Judy Garland
"If you love someone, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If not, they never were." (What an obnoxious quote.)
I haven't had many relationships because well... I'm not sure why. About six months ago, I met someone and fell immediately, irrevocably in love with them. Once we spent thirteen straight hours together and I still didn't want to go home. He was everything I ever wanted AND everything I ever needed. But we went slow because he was still in love with his ex girlfriend. He told me this from the beginning and I tried to play it cool. We had so much fun together. We never had sex- we didn't need to - all we needed was each other to be close. But our kisses were better than all the sex I have ever had in my life. When he held me it negated ever other man I had ever had in my life. But guess what? He didn't love me. He loved her. And when she told him she wanted him again he went running.... towards her- away from me. I was devastated. I still can't even look at another man.
Because I played it cool, he has no idea how much he really hurt me. We are still great friends (I need him in my life some way) and I have become friends with his girlfriend. The second was more out of necessity than want but I lived, I just have a few more scars to show for it. I lied and lied when they first got together because she kept asking if I was in love with him. Each time I said no it was like another knife in my heart. It still hurts and I have to do something. I am either going to start on my path to becoming a crazy old woman surrounded by books and animals or.... I'm going to grit my teeth and start dating. >< I'm not sure which yet.
~Evangaline
I hate that if you love them let them go quote. Whoever came up with it needs to be hung up by his toenails. I have a similar situation. But the guy I fell for knows it. And I think he enjoys twisting the knife from time to time. If you need some books for your journey, lemme know cuz I have tons and am willing to share.
ReplyDeleteI think you shouldn't let one douche still in love with his girlfriend ruin your entire view of men and relationships. At least he was honest all along. Has to count for something, right? I say this being friends with him and his girlfriend is torturing you. The best thing for you may be to let him go for real. Trust me, I know!
ReplyDeleteAmanda,
ReplyDeleteI know right?! Terrible quote. What kind of jerk would take advantage of a vulnerable situation like that? An asshole like that isn't worth your lovely time. And I love books! I am always 100% willing to learn anythign I can from them so yes please, I'd love to read some. What are they?
Lifebeginsat30ty,
*sigh* I agree and I am starting to see that. He was honest and it does count... for a little. lol. I really want to let him go. What happened to you? Was it painful?
Um, well, I was kind of speaking of two different scenarios. One was I had a super crush on a married guy. But I did stick it out and have become good friends with him and his wife. IT was really hard for a while though, but somehow go through because I valued his friendship over anything romantic.
ReplyDeleteThe other is a current situation. Long story, but dated for a few months last year. He didn't want to keep dating bc I was leaving the country and he wanted a relationship (fair enough). Tried to be friends, but I ended up cutting off contact when I left the country. Six months later (this past march) he contacts me again. Talking for a few months when I discover he has a girlfriend. Now I'm moving back to his country and wondering what the hell to do about it. The full stories on my blog :) But yes, definitely a tortuous thing!
30ty,
ReplyDeleteI caught up with your situaion on your blog and I have no idea how you do it. =S