The reason I became cynical

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." ~Judy Garland

"If you love someone, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If not, they never were." (What an obnoxious quote.)


I haven't had many relationships because well... I'm not sure why. About six months ago, I met someone and fell immediately, irrevocably in love with them. Once we spent thirteen straight hours together and I still didn't want to go home. He was everything I ever wanted AND everything I ever needed. But we went slow because he was still in love with his ex girlfriend. He told me this from the beginning and I tried to play it cool. We had so much fun together. We never had sex- we didn't need to - all we needed was each other to be close. But our kisses were better than all the sex I have ever had in my life. When he held me it negated ever other man I had ever had in my life. But guess what? He didn't love me. He loved her. And when she told him she wanted him again he went running.... towards her- away from me. I was devastated. I still can't even look at another man.

Because I played it cool, he has no idea how much he really hurt me. We are still great friends (I need him in my life some way) and I have become friends with his girlfriend. The second was more out of necessity than want but I lived, I just have a few more scars to show for it. I lied and lied when they first got together because she kept asking if I was in love with him. Each time I said no it was like another knife in my heart. It still hurts and I have to do something. I am either going to start on my path to becoming a crazy old woman surrounded by books and animals or.... I'm going to grit my teeth and start dating. >< I'm not sure which yet.

~Evangaline